When is japanese food not japanese food?

When an international star like Jared Leto blogs about it.

Not too long ago, 30 Seconds to Mars frontman Leto was in town and raved online about  ‘Great Japanese food in London’ – only to post the above picture of Yauatcha, one of London’s finest dim sum emporiums.

And I know, I know, he’s a big film rock star who may not grasp the delicate intricacies that distinguish Chinese from Japanese cuisines, but still… this cross-cultural confusion made me lose all faith in the man. (Even more so than his choice of film roles/women/wacky hairstyles of late).

In Leto’s honour, I present some recent examples of sushi art, just to prove that Japanese food can take different guises (none of which look like dim sum, though):

Exhibit A: Brownie ‘nori roll’ cupcakes and Rice Krispies/Bubbles with Swedish Fish. These amazing sweet sushi creations come from Saucy, a Canadian blogger/supermum who tends to refer to herself in the third person. (It’s fine though, as her talent for re-imagining sushi through sugary sweets is worth the occasional little idiosyncrasy).

Exhibits B & C: Neither of which I would like looking back at me.

So am I just being pedantic, or does someone need to give Jared Leto a culinary education? If he wants to start at Yauatcha, I’ll quite happily volunteer.

<Sushi sweets from Saucy via Paper-, platter from ulteriorepicure>

Uniqlo hits nyc + china with 88 dancing girls

Japanese clothing retailer, UNIQLO (famed for its cut-price basics and collaborations with upcoming designers) is opening two new superstores in an apparent bid to take over the casual-wear markets of China and the USA.

In preparation for the first Chinese store opening on May 15, UNIQLO has unveiled From Shanghai to the World, a slick new website featuring eighty-eight girls dancing* in eight-eight colours. (I think. I got a little mesmerised by all the flashing colours, kooky beats and general awesomeness that is eight-eight graceful Chinese girls dancing in otherwise-boring polo shirts… So I guess their concept worked). Clicking on a girl opens a short video/audition process which lists her name, age and height. It also allows the girl to ramble on about why she chose that particular colour, such as 23-year-old, 1.73-metre-tall Liu Xiaoqing who says:

I like blue. I like the ocean. So I decided on this blue outfit today,

Before staring a short classical ballet number.

Gripping stuff, and if my understanding of the website is correct, UNIQLO is also planning to release a film version of 88 Colours to coincide with the new store opening.

According to Fast Retailing, the 39,000-square-foot store will be spread over three levels, with ‘flying mannequins moving from top to bottom, giving customers a fresh and unexpected surprise’.

If that’s not interesting enough, there will also be an exclusive series of eight collector’s t-shirts created by Shanghai designers, as part of the store’s UT line.

And just when I was getting exciting about Shanghai, CNN went and announced UNIQLO’s opening their largest store in the world on New York’s 5th Avenue. That’s right, in 2011 the Land of the Supersize is going to be hit with 90,000 square feet of polo shirts, cheap denim, t-shirt vending machines, cashmere and Jil Sander collaborations.

In the meantime, there’s always Shanghai.

<UNIQLO logos from Keisuke Omi, vending machine from Sekimura, flags from Sakura Chihaya>

*Apparently dancing girls in polo shirts are a common theme at UNIQLO. Once you’ve had your fill in Shanghai, there’s plenty more at the Japanese site. If the company didn’t do so much wonderful work with the UNHCR, I might be a little concerned.

The oriental yeti/when wombats attack

So hunters in Sichuan province think they have discovered a new mammal, dubbed the ‘Oriental yeti’. A photo of the beast – resembling a hairless bear with a kangaroo-like tail – has been splashed across the UK papers with skeptics declaring its merely a belated April Fools’ hoax, or a civet with mange. You remember civets, they’re the most respected coffee farmers in the world*.

You may also remember mange, as it was blamed for wild wombat behaviour earlier this morning. It appears a man stood on a wombat, who then dragged him to the ground for some ol’ fashioned fisticuffs, before said man grabbed an axe and overcame the crazed marsupial. Only in Perth could this happen.

As for the ‘yeti’, only science will reveal his true identity. Perhaps we can look to Lu Chin, the hunter responsible for bringing him in, who suggested one theory:

There are local legends of a bear that used to be a man and some people think that’s what we caught.

Okay. Either way, the guy’s going to need a new moniker as ‘Oriental’ always sounds a bit colonial. It’s strange how the British don’t seem to think so. Over here, Orientals are Asians and Asians are Indians…and an Oriental yeti may actually be a Chinese man.

The mind boggles.

*One cup for £50! Good thing the money was going to charity.

Due to how sad and sickly the caged ‘Oriental yeti’ looks, and the general tone of this site, I much prefer Formatbrain’s version of the mysterious yeti, above, while the buck-toothed wombat (who was not involved in today’s incident) is care of Feverblue.

Hey china! stay off my reef

A Chinese coal carrier ran aground on Queensland’s Great Barrier Reef over the weekend, spilling enough Texas tea to stretch for three kilometres.

The main problem here – apart from the difficulty/cost of cleaning up the mess and the ongoing damage to the Reef, is that the the ship was 13 nautical miles/30km off course in a restricted area (i.e. where the fish live). State premier, Anna Bligh, told The Age (in true Aussie fashion):

This ship has acted illegally going into these restricted areas (of the marine park). The commonwealth government is now investigating how this happened, and I hope, frankly, they throw the book at them.

That’ll learn ‘em. If not, the shipping company, Shenzhen Energy, may be fined AU$1 million for breaking shipping laws (with the captain charged an additional AU$250,000).

The last major oil spill off the Eastern seaboard cost AU$27 million to clean up, which the government hoped to claim from the shipping company responsible. Swire Shipping responded by saying their insurance would pay AU$20 million, in accordance with international conventions. Any more would cause freight insurance to skyrocket.

Australia’s Greens party are now calling for mandatory ship pilots on all vessels navigating the Reef. This means people who actually know the waters would come aboard and steer the ship through a safe passage, at a cost of about AU$8,000. However, Bligh’s government has apparently bowed to pressure from coal and oil companies, and refused to make these valuable marine pilots compulsory.

Compare this to Panama, where pilots who navigate the Canal must undergo eight years of training before they start earning their US$90K annual salary (not including tips). They’re some of the most respected men (and women) in the country, in one of the most sought-after careers. These pilots have an extremely difficult and dangerous job, steering through the Canal anything from private yachts to massive cargo ships carrying radioactive waste. Their navigation skills are essential, as the Canal is narrows to just 33 metres at the locks. (Perhaps I’m easily impressed…but then, I’m not known for my driving skills).

It’s sad that in Panama, the ship captains are so grateful to the pilots that they often tip them thousands of dollars in cash, while the Australian government is too scared to upset the shipping companies by charging them half as much, and all at the risk of one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Even worse, Bligh’s government is now in talks to increase shipping through the Reef, making the need for pilots all the more pertinent.

**UPDATE 7 APRIL 2010**

I have been informed by an anonymous source:

It’s not gratitude, it’s bribery.

Well, that ruins my entire argument now, doesn’t it? People in Panama may be crooked but Australia is stupid to exploit the Reef for capital gain.

Beware the great wall rollercoaster

My friend, Chris, is ABC. That’s Australian-born Chinese. He once visited the Great Wall and said should I ever go, I must find a good taxi driver, have him take me to the most remote spot he knows, and pay him to wait while I roam free on the Wall.

Despite his advice, when I finally found my way en route to the Great Wall, it was  crammed in a modern minivan with a Balinese-Jewish family, headed for possibly the most touristic spot in China. The shops at the base knew their target market – they sold brightly coloured hats, slip-on shoes, film, batteries, even the mysterious belly wash.

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